A year ago today I went in for my fateful sonogram to reveal the gender of the baby inside me. I had been counting down the days, anxious for months to find out what I was having.
I have never heard a parent say that they were hoping for one gender over the other. It's always the same line: "We'll be happy no matter what we have." And why shouldn't people say that? How big of a dick are you going to feel like if you say you want a boy vs. a girl and get a girl?
I'll be completely honest, I was hoping for a boy.
Most of that hope lied beneath the fact that it was my gut instinct that that was what I was carrying. To say I thought I was having a boy is an understatement. I was convinced I was having one. It wasn't just me who thought this either, everyone I knew said it was a boy.
On my appointment day the sonographer went through every body part telling us what is was. It was a complete mystery to me how anyone could make out the blobs on the screen but I didn't question it. I was so nervous waiting for her to say the sex. She went through just about everything before Matt asked, "Can you see the gender?" She sounded a bit surprised and said she didn't know if we wanted to know or not and then moved the device around until she found the right spot.
"Looks like a girl." she said. What?! I asked if she were sure. She said yes and suddenly I was hit with a wall of emotions I didn't expect. Tears rolled down my face. I couldn't believe it. (Of course I knew the odds were 50/50 but it was incredible to know for an almost fact what the baby was.)
I imagined my life as a mother to a little girl. Beyond the cutesy pink clothes and bows, what did that mean for me? What was it going to be like having a daughter? I couldn't imagine what she'd be like. I couldn't imagine how sweet she would turn out or how beautiful she'd be.
Fast forward a year and I can't imagine things any differently. I am thrilled to have such a wonderful baby girl today. It boggles my mind to think that I ever did care what the gender of my child was going to be.
- ▼ July (12)
- ► 2011 (96)